


Six Easy Steps

by Sonny



Series: DDHForum X-Mas Prompts [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-25
Updated: 2009-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-14 21:25:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/153605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Direct Sequel to ... at a crossroads ; Brian's pursuit of Michael - in song/ficlet combination...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Easy Steps

**Author's Note:**

> An X-Mas Prompt Challenge on DDHForum; responses filled for ADE...

 

**Step One - Have an Epiphany** ****

**Brian's Epiphany**

[ **Falling For You - Skin** ](http://www.4shared.com/audio/C7SesQsI/01_Skin_-_Falling_For_You.html?dirPwdVerified=d81c0cd6)

_I must gain control_

_I must take care_

_Can’t allow this to ever_

_Become an affair_

_But the tension is sweet_

 

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**... watching you sleep now I'm reminded of the first time, years ago, when we slept in the same bed together.... well,** **you** **slept, while I pretended to be asleep until I heard you softly snoring. I flipped over and spent the next four hours, until early morning, just watching you as we lay face-to-face on that ridiculous twin mattress... what I wouldn't do to get that fuckin' mattress back... I can't really get close enough to you anymore... sometimes I wish I had kept that mattress just so you would always know where I am--right here, beside you--where I'm always going to be... even if I was thousands of ocean miles away...**

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

He didn't know how long he had been staring-- _just thinking_. Thinking about only one thing and it lay but a few inches from him, face-to-face. He could see every minute detail; starting from the dark strands of wavy hair, over the smooth pale forehead, along the matching dark eyebrows and skipping to those curled lashes against flushed cheeks. 

Michael was warm and possibly getting warmer the deeper he slept. 

Brian _wanted_ that warmth, wanted to steal its effect on the very man beside him. He knew if he shuffled close enough, able to inhale the peculiar scent, he could intercept the heartbeat--steady and calm, like its owner. He often wondered how Michael could sleep so peacefully when outside conflicts kept raging on, beyond dreams and nightmares. Who did he meet inside that mind of his that comforted him to the point of utter relaxation?

Brian was a complete basketcase, fretting and worrying that one wrong move would send Michael scurrying out the door. What he feared most was that Ben's wound was still too fresh, but then again he hoped that this was something that festered off a deeper conflict. That weeks had passed, regretfully, of Michael simply holding in his own heartbreak to spare Brian the opportunity to pity him or ridicule him for not being able to outlast his own promise that he could make a marriage work. 

Right now, Brian didn't care about much else but reaching out to touch that inviting soft skin, skim along those slightly pursed lips--maybe attempt a kiss, if Michael would let him. 

Before courage was gathered, Michael's lids opened. He stared across the mattress at Brian as hands were tucked under a cheek as he gazed over at Michael, probably watching closely as he slept. _He knew_. He knew Brian thought he didn't stare so intently-- _hadn't for years_ \--but Brian wasn't that swift. He forgot how in tune Michael had become to his breathing patterns. Michael knew almost to the exact second when Brian was really awake or asleep. Sometimes he enjoyed the private tease, allowing Brian to think he was getting away with his secret stalking tactics. 

Michael yawned, squeezing his eyes shut and covering his mouth. He knew his breath must be rank and hot by now. No need to ruin the moment with stank breath. He brought up his right forearm to curl about his face to roll over onto his stomach, still able to stare over at Brian. He squished his face further into the pillow. He was smiling behind his arm, but it became visible as his cheeks uplifted to his eyes. That perpetual shyness intact whenever he saw Brian staring at him, probably stealing his very soul through those hazel eyes. 

"--sorry. I fell asleep on you." Michael mumbled against his shirt sleeve, drawing up his right leg. It brushed against Brian's own jean-clad leg. To keep the mood light-hearted, he pushed his cotton-covered toes against Brian's bare ankle.

"It's okay." Brian blinked slowly, untucking one hand to finally reach over-- _while Michael was awake_ \--to brush through the mass of black tangles. Though Michael wasn't someone who moved around a lot as he slept, his hair always managed to be in disarray. Brian liked him best this way; ruffled and sleep-laden, eyes languid and face content, almost grinning every second. Michael had no idea how enticing he looked. He watched the lashes close, finding the perfect moment to scoot over, throwing his left leg on top of Michael's legs to hook around them. Brian thought he was clever, keeping him hostage without realizing. But Michael had realized, huddling into his own body and letting Brian come as close as he wanted--as they both seemed to want and need. 

The hand once in Michael's hair lowered to the shoulders, then fell to the curved back, along the spine. The palm pressed against the lower back, pushing Michael to fit into his chest. 

They were nuzzled like that for a few minutes before Michael lifted his head a bit from under Brian's chin. 

"--thank you." 

A lone hand was left to play with the flyaway strands of hair. "For _what_?" 

"--for _this_." Michael lay his head back in its niche, closing his eyes. "--being exactly what I need, even when I know you want more." He had arrived at the loft and Brian had lived up to his promise. There was hot cocoa (with whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkles), hot buttered popcorn and a oeuvre of movies they had enjoyed over their long history together. They had headed to the bedroom only because Michael had forgotten how exhausted he had become, falling asleep on Brian while suckled in the kindness of his pampering. 

Brian shut his own eyes, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Michael's head as he cradled the back in his palm. "Whatever _this_ is--I'm not fuckin' it up... so, uh, no. I'm taking the high road." He sighed with his own contentedness. "Things will happen when they're supposed to happen. Not because we make them come true." 

" _.. day-um..._ " Michael softly giggled against Brian's chest. He untucked his arm to send the fingers along Brian's t-shirt to ruck up the hem a little to feel warm flesh. But then the hand moved to lay tenderly against the lower back, making sure it was silently understood neither man would let go. 

Brian laughed at himself, holding his breath as he soaked in Michael's touch and his nearness; the radiating warmth and constant steady heartbeat. "I know, right?" He tucked his chin to Michael's brow. "--not saying I won't take 'advantage', here-n-there." 

The pinching and almost-tickle was dodged successfully, stunted laughter and snickering filling the once empty air, but they still went back to embracing as if they were the only two people left in the world. 

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**Step Two - Make Sure Things Are Over**

**Brian & Justin - Things Are Over**

[ **Some Things Just Are The Way They Are - atb** ](http://www.4shared.com/audio/dF2gQmti/02_atb_-_Some_Things_Just_Are_.html?dirPwdVerified=d81c0cd6)

_I've tried to see it your way_

_I've made up stupid stuff to say_

_But you never really did reply_

_There are tons of bricks between us_

_But we still have to meet up_ __

_And be the people that we are_

  
  


 

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**... I don't know what I've been thinking these past few years, attaching myself to Justin and basically taking him down the same roads I would never wish on my worst enemy. Trouble is--I don't know how to end it without hurting, me** **and** **him. This is why I don't DO relationships. Despite who's right or wrong in the situation, someone is bound to come out with a broken heart, if not a severely bruised ego. At least I know what's next for me if I want it... poor kid, I don't envy his future ahead... I've already traveled that road, ten times over... but I have to "let go" sometime... Michael taught me that, but he always taught me when to hold on...**

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

Justin knew he should've waited a few minutes longer. Probably should've let the full hour pass on by when he knew Brian would be here before stepping out with Michael, Emmett and Ted. He had to admit a little vengeance was wanted where he could consider making Brian feel jealous, disappointed with what he would be missing. 

He entered the loft while Brian was on his cell phone talking, typing away on his laptop keyboard. It _sounded_ like business, possibly setting up the daily-weekly schedule with Cynthia on the other line as they were both connected to the remote desktop at Kinnetic. 

Justin shut the metal sliding door, not setting the security code. He made a bee-line for the bedroom, shrugging off his down vest. He moved to his half-way packed bags and suitcases--some boxes-- and pulled out an outfit to wear tonight to an outing. Someone he had actually met through one of Daphne's many male friends. This wasn't a "date", more like a gathering of mutual friends to check each other out. 

As Justin undressed down to his briefs, he took a side-long glance toward the kitchen. Brian had his back turned, carrying on a lively, humorous conversation with Cynthia as if Justin wasn't even there. It appeared as if Brian was giving some dictation for an email being sent out to Kinnetic's clients. 

The sibling-like banter between the coworkers made Justin sad and envious. This was how Brian talked to those he _truly_ cared about--Michael, Debbie, Linds, Em... hell even Ted and Mel upon occasion. Not Justin, though. In fact, they weren't even talking _period--not even occupying the same air space_ \--these days. 

Justin shut the bathroom door to wash off the daytime funk and change clothes. He wasn't sure if he was nervous because of anticipation in meeting a cool guy his age or if he was simply dreading facing other people with egg on his face. Daphne had been great since learning of the break-up; she generously accepted his presence back in her life. She was helping him locate an affordable place to live, with roommates. She even gave Justin an idea she might have a job for him, if things went the way she had hoped with her own employment. 

As Justin shut the light, heading back over to his packed clothes to find a better, warmer jacket to wear, he could still hear Brian chattering. He thought nothing more of it. Not even that the timber of Brian's voice had grown lower, hushed. He was no longer on the cell phone, but the cordless. And it wasn't Cynthia anymore, it was Michael. 

They weren't going out, but staying in. Not at the loft, but at Michael's house. Just them-- _alone_ \--with a meal Michael had been planning, and bragging about, for days. Only dinner, then they would see where the rest of the evening took them. Tonight would be Brian's turn to be pampered. He couldn't wait to see what was in store for him under Michael's care. 

Justin never said "goodbye", "goodnight" or a "see you later". He exited out the same way he came in, utterly clueless to what was beginning to happen between Brian and Michael. 

Then again-- _hadn't this always been the way things went_?    

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**Step Three - Make Sure To Start Something Good**

**Brian & Michael - The Start Of Something Good**

  


[ **Kiss The Sky - Tatyana Ali**](http://www.4shared.com/audio/h4BdawYD/03_Tatyana_Ali_-_Kiss_The_Sky.html?dirPwdVerified=d81c0cd6)

_Listen..._

_Close your eyes, and take my hand._

_I know you're wondering, but you will soon understand._

_See, love needs time to crawl low, and time to run free._

_That's why we should get away so we can chill privately._

_Through the week you go your own way, and I go mine._

_Never truly enjoying each other; never a chance to unwind._

  
  


 

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**... I've been alone with him hundreds of times... why now?... why am I most nervous of screwing up now? Is it because I know where my head is at? Or is it because I finally know where my heart belongs?...  **

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

Brian was about to stand with his plate, Michael rushed to get to his feet first. 

"No! Sit down. Let me do this." Michael took the dirty dishes and made his way into the kitchen, leaving Brian alone at the table. He went to pull out two small plates, dishing out slices of Brian's favorite dessert. He got them fresh forks. As he carried out the food, he asked, "Would you like some coffee or... something from the bar?" He gestured toward an array of alcoholic beverages at Brian's disposal. 

Brian inched back, elbows off the table. He looked down at the slice of pie with a tiny grin on his face. "Nah... what I have is good." All he had was water. _Jesus... who the hell was he tonight?_ As he watched Michael re-take his seat, he paused in eating until Michael picked up his utensil. Brian took a tentative bite, then nodded his head to show he liked the taste very much. 

"Store bought." Michael confessed.

Brian smiled, shaking his head. "I don't really care _that_ much." 

"I do. I put such work into dinner, I wasn't going to take the chance I'd ruin dessert."

Brian shrugged a shoulder. "Doesn't matter to me. It's the thought that counts." 

Michael was shaking his own head after that remark. "Who are you Brian Kinney?" He took the bite of pie, closing his eyes in ecstasy. He had made the right choice. As he reopened his lids, he glanced over at Brian. "So... is it getting worse?" 

Brian went still for a minute. Michael was asking about the atmosphere at the loft, with Justin's need to take his time leaving to find his own place to live. "Well... now we're not talking _at all_. Not that what we had to say to one another was important. Right before I heard from London about the merger, we'd been fucking off and on..." He didn't know why he felt like being so honest. Must be the great key lime pie sitting inside his belly. Or maybe that with everything else in Michael's life going so badly, Brian felt Michael deserved nothing less. "I suppose we had some idea this would, uh... fester into something we could deal with. Like he'd move in permanently or--" He shrugged a shoulder again as he wiped over his lips. "--I don't know, I had a thought." 

"Oh?" Michael raised his eyebrow. He wondered if he would dread the curiosity. 

Brian relaxed, sitting back in the chair. He kept his eyes downcast as he contemplated just _how_ honest with Michael he should be. "I found myself considering asking if he'd _have_ me." 

Michael slowed down his eating as he fully realized how heartbroken Brian could have been by Justin's disinterest in him possibly leaving to live in London for a few years. "Thank God you didn't... huh?" 

"Yeah..." Brian folded his arms over his chest, sitting forward to set elbows on the table. 

Michael reached over to soothe a hand along the bare forearm. He wasn't surprised when Brian placed his own hand over the top of his, squeezing the shape. "I'm sorry." He swallowed hard when Brian raised their bond to kiss his skin, almost cradling the top of his hand to his own cheek. "I guess we both had our futures ripped out from under us." 

Brian softly laughed, closing his eyes to the sensation of Michael's skin on his. "Did you douse my food with tranquilizers?" 

"No..." Michael chuckled lightly, pulling out his hand from Brian's grip to do his own touching. He brushed through honey-brown strands then traced down the side of the weary face. "You're working hard to get ready for this meeting coming up, aren't you? Pulling fourteen-to-sixteen hour days in order to be prepared for whatever they're bringing you?" 

Brian nodded his head, bending his right elbow to set his head on his right hand. "Thank you for not complaining about how much of my time isn't _mine_ anymore--or _ours_." 

Michael shrugged, licking off the last of the whipped cream from his fork. As he set the utensil down, he rose to push back his chair. "Come on..." He threw down his cloth napkin, moving around Brian's chair to hold out his hand. 

The living room lights had been set low, candles placed around the space at varying heights. There was a fire flickering in the fireplace, creating an orange glow about the room, giving off a warm, inviting ambiance.

Brian sat back in his seat at the dining table, placing his hand in Michael's and let himself be physically dragged toward the couch. Not reluctantly, mind you. It was simply that Brian didn't want anything to happen tonight that he wouldn't be fully cognizant of--aware that they were moving far beyond the boundary of friendship and into something _more_ , something _better_. 

Michael sat down first, taking the corner niche of the cushions. He set a throw pillow over his body, then patted the space he wanted Brian to fill. He wanted him to lay down, head resting on the pillow. Michael would then continue on with his "care" of Brian, whether he wanted him to or not. 

More than likely, Brian wouldn't mind at all. 

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**Step Four - Say Goodbye**

**Brian & Justin - Saying Goodbye **

[ **Have No Fear - Bird York** ](http://www.4shared.com/audio/VtbuuJ2Y/04_Bird_York_-_Have_No_Fear.html?dirPwdVerified=d81c0cd6)

_Have no fear in your heart_

_though you feel you've been broken and lost_

_there's a place where we will meet up again_

_there's a place that mends your hurt and takes you in_

_there are times faced alone_

_when you find all the holes in yourself_

_you don't have to walk the night on your own_

_I will say a prayer for you to lead you on_

_I will say a prayer for you when_

  
  


 

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**... I'm making it so that when he's picking up the last of his things, I'm no where to be found... I don't care how cowardly that makes me look... I know where I want to be and who needs me. It's no longer Justin's problem to worry about me or care... well, he can still do that, but it won't matter to my well-being anymore... I have plans with Michael... and lately we're enjoying being alone more and more, without the pestering watchers over us... We're going out of town for the day. I called in sick and he closed the store... we're not even taking a map with us, we're just driving until the gas runs out or the road ends, whichever happens first...**

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

This time he kept the sliding door wide open, going from the inside of the loft to the elevator. He was stuffing the last of his boxes onto the lift to ride down with them. Daphne was outside, warming up the car on idle. 

Justin had some idea he would have been a little melancholy, a bit more sentimental. So much of these past five years of his life had happened here, he should have felt some remorse. A tiny smidge of sadness, maybe? 

Instead, he felt nothing but frustration and anger, pissed off that Brian couldn't force himself to make an appearance. He would hate to call the move "cowardly"--some fantastical idea Brian Kinney actually _feared_ him. Nah, Justin understood it was more Brian's inability to confront emotions head-on. He tried to have some empathy, but his annoyance won over. He wasn't _that_ terrible of a human being and he knew Brian wasn't a weak-kneed simpering dolt. 

What he never considered was that Brian had simply moved on in his life, from him. Emotionally, physically, even mentally as any fathom of the past with Justin hadn't crossed Brian's mind when he was with Michael; that was the way Brian liked it. 

Carrying the final box past the kitchen counter, Justin's eye caught an interesting blank white envelope left out in plain sight. It wasn't addressed to a specific person, but Justin had some hope that this could be a letter of goodbye from Brian... 

... he pulled out a fan of twenties, with a small note attached that read... **"--I hope this covers everything-B.Kinney"**... 

For a split-second, Justin's heart cracked a bit more, having some crazy idea _this_ had been intended _for him_. A blunt, cold note heavy with cash, like a last minute "fuck you". He contemplated taking what he thought he deserved for serving time in Brian Kinney's world; he could've easily had left, finding another man who would love him, genuinely. But then Justin gained some common sense during his sudden fury, recalling several past occasions of seeing this similar type of envelope left for the housecleaning staff Brian would often hire.

Justin replaced the envelope, sighing as he pulled out the lone key to the Loft. Making his way out the door, he set the bolt lock one last time and shoved the metal key under the door. He could hear the clank and the slide across the smooth hardwood floor, then he took his final elevator ride down and properly exited out the front door of the building. 

Usually boredom, and too much free time, would have caused Justin to do some exploring around the loft when Brian was out. Brian wasn't a hoarder or a pack rat, so everything that he was-- _all that he truly cared abou_ t--was left out in the open. But from time-to-time, days before anyone showed to clean up the piling messes, there would be moments Brian had accidentally left out personal or private things. This was the only time Justin imagined he would be allowed to know about the real man behind the Kinney Mystique. 

So, yeah--he _had_ looked at mail, checked out already-open letters and bills and would even listen to answering machine messages that he had no business hearing. Maybe he naively thought he was helping, showing the man he loved how much he cared, how good he would be at protecting him and watching out for his best interests. But as young and inexperienced as Justin was he knew nothing about moderation or being tact. He had been schooled by The Best, so all he knew was extreme measures and blunt curtness, never a calming in-between. 

Justin's last bout of snooping (as Brian termed it) had been Brian's final straw--the breaking point. Not the sole reason for their split, but enough of a push to send one of them over the cliff, severing the cord for good. Brian's reaction to Justin's tactics must've taught the pupil a hard lesson about searching through other people's property. A lesson that would probably keep him from caring too much about Brian for awhile. 

Had this been weeks ago, Justin would've continued looking over the kitchen counter and the corresponding garbage bin left out on display. He would've learned that Brian had canceled his previous one-way flight to London. And instead sussed out that Brian had arranged for the company in England to come out to him first. Brian's torn-in-half plane ticket had been sitting on top of all the trash. 

But then again, maybe it just wasn't Justin's business any longer. He would find out sooner or later that Brian had never left and was still in The Pitts. 

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**Step Five-A - The Art Of Seduction**

**Brian & Michael - The Art of Seducing Your Best Friend/Together, At Last**

[ **A Last Request - George Michael** ](http://www.4shared.com/audio/41zfC1Yu/05a_George_Michael_-A_Last_Req.html?dirPwdVerified=d81c0cd6)

_You know_

_That I remain a gentle man_

_But even so_

_There's only so much_

_A gentleman can stand_

_Sleep with me_

_Oh sleep with me tonight_

  
  


 

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**... it's time... I feel ready... somehow I know he'll feel much the same... I'm not sure when I'll have the courage to actually begin to change what we have, but it'll be soon... probably sooner than either of us had planned... I just know I can't wait any longer... hope I don't fuck this up...**

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

The text had simply stated - **Im rdy. Meet me @730p** **.**

For weeks now, they had a standing reservation for Room 317 at the Lantern Inn, an hour outside of northern Pittsburgh. 

They arrived in separate cars, mainly because Michael had a few extra things to handle with the store before he actually gave up this four-day weekend to his new employees - an Assistant Manager and a part-time college employee. Both of whom were comic book geeks at heart, who would appreciate all that Michael had been trying to do to preserve the small-time comic book business. 

Michael had to thank Brian for the confidence building to help ease him into handing over the reigns he had selfishly hung onto for too long. Simply relying on family and friends to help him at these times was a bit wearing, plus annoying to some as they didn't have the same zest or knowledge that Michael and his fellow geekdom had for the graphic novels. Brian showed him a business plan that would give him the free time he had been wanting--to be with Brian and Jenny--but to also help him envision an expansion, several Red Cape Franchises in The Pitts and maybe one in Philadelphia. Though it wasn't Michael's ultimate goal to seek out corporate success, he didn't mind the chance to finally experience the "career highs" Brian had been through, finally knowing the last minute details of the man he loved. 

Lantern Inn was familiar to Michael, not Brian. He had been bragging about its homey-ness, the superior quality to motel/hotel chains when visiting the out-laying areas of upper Pittsburgh. Also, Vic had brought him here on several occasions whenever the birthday or holiday gift was a comic book convention. Any chance to _honor_ Vic in their life together Brian and Michael never passed up. 

It was quite interesting that their first time together would be at the Lantern Inn, probably somewhere Vic would've given them as a weekend package if he had still been alive to see them together. This moment did put a little bit more pressure on them, but it was a tad bittersweet to the full sweetness. And they did promise one another that if their first time felt too awkward that they would make sure to stop, yet still able to enjoy the weekend together like they had done in the past. 

Upon Michael's arrival and check-in, he was treated cordially, like the staff had known his relation to Vic Grassi or maybe that Brian had been properly "stuffing wallets" since he had set Cynthia out to make arrangements for this very long weekend. He let them escort him to the elevator but refused the need for being walked to his exact door. Michael knew where he had to go, he wouldn't get lost. 

Michael had his key card handy, methodically sliding the magnetic strip through the slot to watch the green light turn on. He was only assuming Brian was here, having possibly left work first and making sure the room was "prepared" for Michael's eventual arrival. 

There was darkness, but only down the short hall to the rest of the suite. As Michael reached the door of the bathroom and sliding closet insets, he could see the mood lighting, hearing the soft music playing in the distance. He had to admit Vic hadn't been able to afford _this_ floor of larger suites, so Michael had never experienced the full romantic vibe of the Inn. He had hoped he could bring Ben here, to finally have their "honeymoon", but too much too soon had kept that plan in the background. Always sacrificed for other important things. Truthfully, Michael hadn't minded because his only fantasy had been to come here with Brian--whenever they had crossed the friendship line into something _more--_ something _better_. 

And, yes, Michael could admit that it was getting better each and every day they spent in one anothers' company. It was so much more than he could've imagined in his own mind, far exceeding each expectation. Even Brian was on his best behavior, finally realizing how important and rare this time was, how precious and fleeting it could be. And to not waste one more second. 

Hence Brian's need to, upon sporadic occasions, become the gentleman--the Romantic Boyfriend he had once teased Michael about. Like now, for instance. Even going as far back as agreeing to the Lantern Inn.

The shadowy hue gave off a curious inspection into the rest of the suite, which took Michael into the huge master bedroom. There was more mood lighting-- _lit candles, fireplace burning_ \--and the music was a little louder. And Brian appeared, seated with one leg crossed over a bare knee. 

Michael knew he was possibly naked underneath that robe, making him feel slightly over dressed. He slid easily out of his jacket, throwing it over a nearby chair. He shoved nervous hands inside his pockets, looking at the half-lit view of Brian. All he could see was from lap to naked feet, the hem of the silk robe spread open over the muscular legs. The foot did a nervous tick of circling in anticipation. 

Brian had been here awhile. Michael felt awful. 

"... sorry..." 

"Don't be." Brian pushed out of the chair he was seated on from the far side of the room, caddy-corner to the King-sized, four-poster bed. As he stood, the lower folds of the robe moved to cover his bare thighs. A lone half-empty Champagne glass in his grasp, fingers spanned from stem to circular bottom. Brian took a gulp of the last of the expensive liquid, setting the glass down on the mantel. He held out one hand. "You're here." He choked on the last part, for once feeling that inner fear subside of Michael canceling or ditching him. 

Once he took the offered hand, squeezed so tight he thought fingers would snap, Michael wandered over to use his free hand to soothe down Brian's right biceps and forearm. "--hey, hey--" The arm snaked around to pull Brian close. "--yeah... I am here." The hand rubbed out a pattern to assure Brian. "I'm not about to back out or leave you." He whispered that last part into Brian's ear, soothing the sides of their faces together, then gently kissed the side burn. "I was just as scared as you were..." He bounced down to his feet, sending his hands down to keep rubbing up-n-down Brian's biceps on both sides. "... that I would get here first and you would be the one not to show." 

Brain grabbed for one hand with the opposite palm, wanting to hold Michael at a distance. Any chance of them touching--the moment would be over, at least for him. "--nah, not gonna happen." He smirked through one side of his mouth, shaking out Michael's arms. Brian casually strolled across the room to the tiny table nearby with a chilled bottle of Champagne and finger foods displayed. They were supposed to dip them in cream or melted chocolate, but Brian had been snacking on them for an hour or more, not having been able to stomach much food the entire day. He poured out another glass of Champagne to hand over to Michael, then moved to bring over his own glass. But Michael beat him to the punch, meeting him halfway and their bodies almost collided. 

_Jesus!_ Brian had nearly spilled the full glass and dropped the slippery bottle in his grasp, before Michael used his own frame, and upper limbs, to prevent any accident from happening. No need to jinx an already complex night. Michael righted his body, keeping his distance as he held out Brian's glass for Brian to fill. He thought it was sentimental to desire sipping the drink where Brian's lips had touched, where the tongue probably had licked the surface to catch the drips of Champagne-- _he had a better idea_. They would only trade glasses, then entwined their arms to take a sip at the same time. It would bring them close, but their bodies wouldn't be touching-- _almost_. 

They raised their glasses to each other, said a word or two, then locked arms and drank-- _hazel and brown eyes meeting across the way_. Neither man could stop foolishly grinning, the moment feeling comical, on the brink of becoming quite cliche. They wondered who would make the joke first, but neither of them did. 

That still made them chuckle softly in tandem, because they both knew and resolved to keep silent, letting the seconds ride out. Mainly because they knew there would be plenty more times where they would step into a universe of cliched moments. It was just nice to experience them together, without feeling idiotic or foolish, or falling under the assumption they were simply like everybody else. They could be goofballs... and sweetly romantic alone, together, without anyone else knowing. 

Brian bent down while Michael leaned upward, their faces coming inches closer, but instead of kissing their brows met. Their lids closed, shutting tight, breathing patterns turned erratic as heartbeats increased. Not only did they both feel the same way, but they were feeling one another's feelings and emotions coursing through their bodies. 

They got rid of the Champagne glasses, not trusting in alcohol not ruining their special moment. Brian swept his arms around Michael, locking fingers at his lower back, while Michael tucked himself into the circle of Brian's arms and onto his chest. 

Michael's hands went flat to the silk of the robe, spreading apart the loosening lapels. "--you're naked under this..." Like he had to ask. 

"... of course..." Brian scraped his cheek against Michael's, inhaling Michael's shampoo and natural body odor. He shook himself out of the trance he was almost falling into. He had one last thing to do before they began _anything_. "... come here..." Brian tucked his arm through Michael's to walk him over to the area in front of the fireplace. He snatched something off the mantle; a long, rectangle shape of colored paper. "I can't believe the irony. Couldn't have planned it better if we had tried." 

Michael looked down at the flier he was given--a local comic book convention of Independent Publishers was in town. Not Pittsburgh but the actual town the Lantern Inn was located in. "Why, Mr. Kinney, I _do_ believe you _do_ understand how to properly seduce your lover." He never knew what to call himself, but he figured out Brian would "get the hint" once he used the word even before they had the chance to become _actual_ lovers. 

Brian had no trouble comprehending Michael's comment--and the specific word he chose to use to describe himself. Brian's nerves flew out the window, for the moment.   

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**Step Five-B - The Art Of Love Making**

**Brian & Michael - Making Love/Together, At Last Part Two**

[ **Lover (Master's Love) - Sweetback** ](http://www.4shared.com/audio/eGNZ2yEl/05b_Sweetback_-_Lover__Masters.html?dirPwdVerified=d81c0cd6)

_don't know where you are_

_how near or how far_

_willing to go_

_it's time for the show_

_you learn your part, favorite part_

_it's when you're my lover_

 

 _if there's a way_

_out of this maze_

_hand me the key_

_i'll set me free_

_touching the sun_

_all that i want_

_is to be your lover_

  
  


 

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**... well, we're here... finally... I can't believe it... I wonder if he can feel how much I'm shaking, from the inside out... I hope I'm not a disappointment... God knows what that'll do to me if I let him down in any way, especially in the bedroom... he's just--so beautiful to me... he tends to leave me breathless at certain moments... but tonight? I'm finding I can't breathe at all...**

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

They lay face-to-face; Michael on his stomach on the left side of the mattress, Brian on his back on the right. Brian was turned slightly toward Michael, smoothing a comforting hand up-n-down the naked back. His hand would venture over the upper curves of the mounds but wouldn't go further. At least not until Michael reopened his eyes. 

They were both naked, having dispensed of clothing a half-hour or more ago. Neither wanted to rush through this night or the moment, so they were taking their time. Plus, both men were dealing with a lot and finding their points of near breakdowns. The stresses of their lives, their jobs, their relationship and what was building between them, coupled with the pressure of keeping private, was wearing thin on them. It wouldn't deter them from ever letting go and stopping what would eventually happen, but they wouldn't go through the motions just to "get it over with". They meant too much to one another to allow their first time to be a failure. 

Michael had been feeling faint, about to pass out; he hadn't eaten much real food today, either. Then he had downed the glass of alcohol, along with coping with his own nerves just wasn't a good combination. Brian knew how weak Michael's stomach was, how much difficulty his breathing had been when they were younger. He would never force Michael into utter torture just to fuck him. He would never be able to forgive himself for being _that_ selfish with Michael, not to mention being a huge let down to Michael's own fantasies about him. 

He had stopped staring at Michael's relaxed features; the adorable way that dark head lay within the folded curl of those dark-haired, pale-skinned arms. He lowered his gaze, one finger now exploring along the bare flesh, alternating between index and middle. The palm began to slide over the rounded cheeks, smoothing along the split down the center. Occasionally, Brian would detect a tiny lift to Michael's hips, as if begging to feel normal again, ready for what could come next. 

From the space between the testicles and anus, Brian tucked a lone fingertip along the inner skin, dragging upward. He watched the body react, Michael dipping his face lower into his arms. 

Michael let out a moan, then sighed as his lashes slowly lifted to look over at Brian. His own hand untucked, reaching out to soothe over silky hair, down the right side of Brian's face. Brian turned into the palm, kissing the skin, biting at the heel. "--you're even _more_ beautiful, if that's even possible." Michael saw some shyness as Brian dipped his head to nip at a shoulder joint. 

"Stop. You don't need to flatter me." Brian scraped the flesh of his lips along Michael's biceps to the elbow, then back up. He properly kissed the neck then nuzzled to inhale Michael's scent again. His hand rose to cup the nape of the neck, fingers tangling in dark strands. Brian yanked tenderly, simply to let Michael feel the pull to know to arch his head backward. His lips now curved around the front as Michael flipped over onto his back, his legs naturally moving to accommodate his partner. 

Brian was able to slide over, fitting perfectly between the cradle of Michael's thighs. He lifted his head to bite at the dangling lobe, nestling into the hair, but Michael started giggling, his belly quivering against Brian's. "... sorry..." Brian had found an unknown sensitive spot that he wouldn't mind revisiting. For now, he would just contain it inside his own mind for future use. 

"--no. no. Don't be." Michael brought up his arms to set them along Brian's shoulders, one hand cupping the back of the head, the other precariously moving in mid-air. He never knew exactly how to get Brian closer to him, except to slip inside his own skin. Penetration would have to do, he was willing to accept the need. 

Brian pulled away only to refit himself to begin his usual process of preparation. Funny how decades of experience seemed to vanish in a single moment. He used his own thighs to raise Michael's legs from the back, opening the hole wider, his hardened length jutting forward to seek entrance. With one fluid movement, he was gaining entry; Michael had loosened his inner muscles to allow him in. 

It was too much all at once. Michael sputtered out a breath, blinking rapidly. His hands grabbed both sides of Brian's head, holding their foreheads together. "--don'--don' disappear on me--stay with me..." Michael hoped the words were encouraging enough. 

They were as Brian opened his eyes to look intently into Michael's face as he dipped in to steal a kiss, then another. Each time he pulled out, he drifted back in at a steady pace. Michael arched his head back at one point, offering his neck and collarbone to Brian's exploring mouth. Wet lips connected with heated skin, then a warm moist tongue slurped at the building perspiration. They were one locked unit of arms and legs, joining body parts and merging flesh. It wasn't long before one of them came, the other soon following as if they would forever be joined in whatever they did together... 

Even in the aftermath, they still moved--rolling onto their sides, onto the other's back--breathing heavy and hard--hearts racing and hands soothing, but always smiling as tiny sounds of breathless laughter released to unhinge the tension and the growing passion for one another. 

It would be hours before either of them had a restful, uninterrupted sleep. 

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**Step Five-C - Talk To Your Lover**

**Brian & Michael - The Aftermath/The Talk **

[ **Don't Take Your Love Away From Me - VAST** ](http://www.4shared.com/audio/dOtk4h07/05c_VAST_-_Dont_Take_Your_Love.html?dirPwdVerified=d81c0cd6)

_I am looking for an inspiration_

_And I think I found it in your heart_

_It's the kind of thing you get when you're not looking_

_It's the kind of thing you had from the start_

  
  


 

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**... it's done... IT happened... I'm laying here, spooned with him, and it's exactly what I wanted it to be--to feel like I finally knew who I'm supposed to be... who I'm supposed to be with... feels like I've always known, but have been afraid--fears and nightmares passed down to me years before we met... It's not him, it's never been his fault... I don't think it's mine, either... blame isn't the reason for us not being together... and it won't ever become yet another excuse I use to push him away... he's mine, I'm his... we're one... and it feels--natural... like I've finally come home to rest...**

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

Michael had felt Brian become fidgety in sleep, a sure sign of impending bad dreams. He had sidled up to Brian's side, sending an arm across his body as the hand came back to rub over the abdomen. He tucked his head near Brian's on the pillow, sharing space. Michael had been feeling chilled a little. Without fail, Brian would always be warm enough to keep them both comfortable. 

When Brian woke next, Michael was turned away from him. The dreams weren't terrible just displeasing. A fraction of time where Brian could decipher he was dreaming and this wasn't reality. Michael would never leave him, not now. And certainly not for any of his past boyfriends. One thing many never knew about Michael was it took a lot for him to take anyone back into his life that he had hurt or who had hurt him. Brian was the only exception. 

Using his left elbow and forearm on the mattress, Brian slid over to align his front to Michael's back. Both his arms went around the tiny body, pulling Michael backward as he locked one hand around a wrist. He would never let go. He rested his face in the back of Michael's neck, keeping away bad remnants of fucked-up dreams. Able to feel Michael and touch him made the truth shine brighter. 

Michael shuffled semi-awake, sensing Brian's tight hold and knowing that things plagued Brian he couldn't control. His dreams and his own thoughts sometimes becoming his own worst enemies. Michael reached back to skim a hand over Brian's face in comfort. "--hey, hey--i's okay--i's not real, but I am." 

"... I know..." Brian muttered against Michael's shoulder blade, kissing the skin, then resting his cheek along the bone. "I'm a haunted man, awake and asleep." 

"--mmm... but at least you have me now--awake." 

"--yeah, I do, don' I?" Brian rose to his elbow, the arm tucked under Michael's head on the pillow. His other hand traced down the shape of Michael's rib cage along to the span of hip, then over the hairy thigh. As he nipped at the neck, he spoke. "Lift up." Brian helped the motion along, setting Michael's leg back on his own. His cock was stiffening, ready for another round. 

Michael felt the subtle move of Brian pushing against his back, wanting him to lay on his stomach. They would fuck in this position again. He wasn't sure this was what he wanted and he wasn't assured Brian wanted this either. So he waited, because he knew Brian wouldn't penetrate without warning. 

Brian had Michael pinned to the bed, rising to his forearms on either side of Michael's head. Michael had turned to the right, cheek laying flat. Brian pet at the tangle of curls and waves with one hand, the other he gripped around Michael's wrist on the outstretched hand. He gently kicked open the legs, then reached down to fondle the opening, feeling the heat radiating. Michael was ready--well, Michael's _body_ was ready, but Brian could oddly sense a hesitation in Michael. It was the slight fright in the brown eyes, the widening of the pupils and the blank stare ahead. Never once did he look back at Brian, teasing and playful. This wasn't a good time to fuck--Brian went lax, his head hitting Michael's mid-back. "--sorry--so sorry." He mumbled out, pressing delicate kisses to the skin. 

"I'm okay. I'm fine--we're fine." Michael assured Brian, trying to push off his own arms to turn around within the confines of Brian's body. He sat a bit higher on the bed, back along headboard and plushness. He held open his arms for Brian to crawl into, like always. 

Brian reluctantly moved, wiping a hand down his face. "Don't forgive me this easily. I was about ready to--" He paused in his comment as he felt Michael wrap his arms around him, squishing him close to his chest, mainly his heart. 

Michael bent to kiss the top of the head, burying his face in the honey-brown hair. "Don't you realize by now I know you? I know you so well there's no need for apologies. I would forgive you anything--save, uh... murdering me." 

They shared a light chuckle. 

Brian sent his arms upward, one settled on the stacks of pillows, the other went loosely around Michael. "You're too good to me." 

"You're worse on yourself. Nothing happens that I don't want to happen. I just need to _know_." Michael rubbed his cheek over the strands, feeling their softness against his flushed skin. "I need to know when you are hurting--reacting to things that hurt you. I'm strong enough to take anything you deal out. A little rough sex wouldn't be the end of me-- _or us_ \--but I just wanna _know_." 

"Okay." Brian shut his eyes, relaxing in Michael's arms, soaking in the feel of the expert touch only Michael could bring him. 

"Give yourself a few minutes to breathe. I'm _not_ leaving you. Now or ever. You just might have to kill me to get rid of me." 

Brian snickered, lifting upward a bit to snatch a kiss. "Never. Not gonna happen. You'll have to kill me first." He set himself back down on top of Michael, sighed against his chest, then rolled over to lay his back on Michael's front. He took Michael's arms and enveloped them about his own body, his own arms aligning with the pale forearms. "Murder me if you must, however you see fit..." Brian took one of Michael's hands, bringing it to his lips. "... but please--don't ever take your love away from me." He closed his eyes when he felt Michael nudge his head alongside his face. He turned into the motion. 

"Never. It would be like killing myself." Michael whispered in a low voice into Brian's ear as he kissed the lobe. His arms went about Brian more snuggly. 

Brian simply smiled to himself, feeling an awesome warmth spread through his body. He wondered if he actually "glowed". He sure did feel like he was.     

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**Step Six - Make Sure You Get What You've Always Wanted**

**Brian & Michael - Brian Has What He's Always Wanted**

[ **Wherever I Go - Marianne Faithful** ](http://www.4shared.com/audio/ddd_Ttb5/06_Marianne_Faithful_-_Whereve.html?dirPwdVerified=d81c0cd6)

_You can see I've come so far so_

_Kiss me quick_

_I swear upon the stars_

_They're mine_

_I swear upon the love_

_You'll find._

 

 _So nobody knows_

_Wherever I go, it's you_

_Wherever I go doesn't it show it's you_

_So many things I wanted to bring to you_

_Wherever I go I want you to know it's you_

  
  


 

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**... man, I seriously never thought this would be me... that I would turn into the kind of man I used to ridicule and make fun of... I'm never leaving... I'll never go anywhere without him... I simply don't know how to cope without him by my side--my perpetual cheerleader and constant best friend--my complete heart and the very air I breathe... is this what it's like to fall in love and remain with the same person, year after year?... is this what it feels like to find your soul mate?... I hope so, because I don't think I could do this again, go through everything with someone else... it wouldn't be the same... I see that now, like I never have before...**

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

They had been back a few weeks, back at home. And by "home" that meant Michael's house, which Brian had taken a sudden appreciation for because it really made life easier. Not only for he and Michael, but for their kids too. It also made it very interesting to everyone else who knew _something_ was different about the best friends. 

Like always, somehow Brian was making it home before Michael got in. Still working on files from his office on his laptop, he would be in the living room or at the other end of the dining room table. Michael would come in, smile at Brian wherever he was, blow him a kiss or actually kiss him, then be off to look over the mail left for him on the table. Brian had been slowly changing his address to read Michael's; he practically "lived" there--unofficially. He had christened his right to be there by actually fixing something inside the house. A typical do-it-yourself project that Brian handled like a pro. Well, it impressed Michael to no end, because he had no idea how to even start fixing the leaky pipe. 

Today wasn't any different than the norm, only that his growing concern remained hanging in the balance--what Brian's next plans were for the possible merger with the London company.  

Michael walked through the door, coming out of the foyer and immediately went to the couch to hug Brian from the back. He kissed the temple, letting Brian touch him for a bit before he dragged himself away. 

"Good day?" Brian inquired offhand, but only because this was usually the case when Michael hugged him so enthusiastically. Great, then maybe his news would be taken with some excitement as well. 

"Eh..." Michael took off his coat, hanging it on the back rungs of the chair and let out a groan as he sat down to rifle through the pile of mail. "... I've had better. It's been a good sales week. About a 5-7% raise from last year's sales." 

"See, what did I tell you? Market yourself well and they'll come to you." Brian was finishing up his typing, taking little side-long glances toward Michael at the table as he watched him sort through the stack of correspondences and bills. He waited patiently for Michael to reach the envelope he had hidden within the piles of regular mail. 

_... five... four... three... two... on-..._

"Brian?" Michael was already getting up out of the chair. 

"uh-huh?" Brian turned slightly toward Michael as he walked into the living room, standing near the coffee table. He gazed up at wide brown eyes of shock. 

Michael held out the contents of the envelope. "What's _this_?" 

"Itinerary. Booklets an' stuff." 

"For London--Liverpool and The West End." Michael was showing off all the places suggested to visit in England. "--and _these_ are?" He was now holding up two similar rectangular objects in airline envelopes. 

"Our plane tickets." Brian stated plainly, folding his hands between his knees. 

" _Our_ plane tickets?" Michael opened them to look them over. "First-Class?" 

Brian raised a curious eyebrow. "You did say you wanted to get away? Right?" 

"But Brian--" Michael's whole body went slack. He took a seat on the edge of the coffee table, setting everything on his lap to stare down at what this truly meant. "You can't do this without me, can you?" 

Brain rubbed his hand over his chin, smoothly cracking his neck. "I thought you'd know that by now." He reached out with three fingers to tenderly touch Michael's thigh. "If I leave without you, I know I'll fail. I know it'll be too much for me. I can barely stand people here. You think I won't hate them over there just as much if not more?" He opened his hand to span his palm over the thigh. "New York City was just small potatoes to what can happen with London. I'd be experiencing new and wondrous things an entire ocean away but wishing you were _right there_ beside me. I'd probably hate myself for enjoying everything without you-- _so why not, huh_? You were always my good luck charm. I still think you are. I wouldn't be where I am today without you by my side. I'm not about to ruin this momentum." 

"Brian--this is--" Michael was tapping the tickets on his hand, trying to contain his emotions. In a very small way, Brian did subtle, little things to keep them close-- _closer than they had ever been_. This was just one more action to convince him that Brian wasn't going anywhere. Least of all without him coming along too. "--I love you." He stated as openly-- _as honestly-_ -as he was feeling it more and more intensely, each and every day. 

"I love you too." Brian added as a normal response. He reached out to squeeze Michael's hand, hoping that the plans he was beginning to arrange for them out there in England wouldn't be too much to bear far away from the only home they had ever known. 

Michael attempted to hold the tears back, but he couldn't. He bent his head, burying his face in one hand, while Brian rose to take the papers and booklets from Michael's grasp and tuck them under his arm so he could one-arm hug Michael into his body. 

Michael held on tight, assured that Brian was unlike any man he had ever been with and would keep surprising him year after year. He couldn't wait to see what was next for him-- _for them_. 

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~**

**...if I die tomorrow, I want to have gone first, so I can welcome him with open arms... if he goes before I do, I want to die the next day, so I don't have to live one more minute without him... is that too much?... nah, I didn't think so either...  **

 

**the end.**

 

**Soundtrack to fan-fic :**

****

**DOWNLOAD Entire Soundtrack at - > [LISTEN... Are You Listening?](http://www.4shared.com/dir/htn1mG1c/04_Listen_-_RUListening.html) (password is : listen07)  
**

  
  



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